Little things make my day. Prime example: this morning I spoke for a solid 45 seconds with my mother. Unfortunately, although a highlight of my day, not the point of this story. I explained to her that I was going to school 'early' because my internet at my apartment wasn't working and I was going to use it at school, to which she replied how her internet ALSO wasn't working... in a tone suggesting that perhaps by some coincidence BOTH of our Internets (although on opposite parts of the world) were being constricted by means of a similar catastrophe. Yeah, pretty intense conversation for 45 seconds.
The following excerpt of my life is a tad feminine, so maybe skip this part if you aren't down with the masses (err.. i mean menses).
Before traveling to Thailand, I obviously needed to get my personal pharmacy in order. Not only did I need my malaria pills (of which I forgot I had and have never taken), thypoid shots, and Hep A and B shots, I also needed all my prescriptions filled for 7 months. Holy balls. That took some finagling with both my doctors and pharmacists at Walgreens :P Talking it over with my parents was a piece of cake. Until my mother brought up my birth control, to which I replied I had stopped taking and was going to not fill a prescription and bring it to Thailand. A) I was saving money as I had already shelled out over a grand to complete my first aid kid and to organize previously mentioned personal pharmacy. 2) I wasn't taking any at the time, plus I figured I wasn't going to Thailand to make babies. My father happened to be in the room at the time, and literally muted the television to gawk at me in astonishment. "Laura, it's not about what you PLAN to do. What about the 'heat of the moment'" Haha. Sorry, Dad. You are too funny to not tell that part of the story. Fair enough... I know there are several reasons to go on the pill and what not but I tried to give my own reasons at the time. I recently read a lot about the history of birthcontrol and about several studies from the introduction of this 'natural' means of menstruation for females. One such study proved that it is not, in fact, normal for women to menstruate every 28 days (or once a month). Over a course of several years, research was done on a large group of females that had never used any form of contraception. Remarkably, these woman hand only around 100 lifetime menses, about 7 per year from puberty to age 20...over the next decade and a half, women spent most of their time either pregnant or breast-feeding (which eliminates menstruation)... from age 35-menopause these woman averaged around 4 menses a year. We, on the other hand, because of this shift towards a monthly cycle rock it about 400 times in our lives. So, our bodies are basically being subjected to changes and stresses that they were not necessarily designed by evolution to handle. Oh, and one of the founders of birth control was a devout Christian (that is a whooooole 'nother story).
You mean to tell me I don't HAVE to have ALL those symptoms after all. WTF?! Incessant ovulation serves no purpose except to increase the occurrence of abdominal pain, mood shifts, migraines, endometriosis, fibroids, and anemia - the last of which is "one of the most serious health problems in the world." Is that a good enough reason, Padre?
So, back that ass up two weeks:
We had a 4 day weekend recently for the Buddhest Lent Day and I took a bus up to Chiang Mai with a few friends. Despite having JUST got
ten my wisdom tooth pulled and going to a place in my head where it would NEVER heal (ha, Katy), I had an AMAZING time. The best. Not only because I fell in love with a thai fire throwing, mask wearing thai man. At least I don't think so. A quick synopsis of that weekend, noting the highlights, are organized below in an simple and readable bulleted format. You're welcome.- Sketchball of a bus ride coordinator on Khao San road in Bangkok lead us astray for about 2 hours past our "departure time"
- 11+ hour bus ride there and back (the ride back being the most painful... insert annoying asswipe of a british man talking for 6 straight hours, NO air conditioning, and a throbbing hole in your mouth where your wisdom tooth once was)
- Day long excursion with the girls:
- Extreme nauseousness sitting on the back of a pick up truck up a mountain for 45 minutes
- Visiting native thai tribes, including the "long necks" that I have been so interested in seeing since I was obsessed with them at the age of 11 watching my national geographic VHS's
- Acquiring the nickname "White Chicken" while aboard a white water raft. Of course I was sent to the front as one of the 'strongest' links in our group of 4 girls. Our 'captain' was deemed the "black cat" by me after being given such a strange nickname; apparently, because I have white skin and had goosebumps on my arms?? Either way, we had a GREAT team, which included two random Brazilian girls that we met.
- Bamboo rafting. Awesome. Especially with the "black cat" captain that kept tipping us over.
- Wearing bob the builder helmets and intense orange life jackets on the river while white water rafting. Taking said helmets and life jackets off ON the SAME river to bamboo raft. Doesn't quite add up.
- Lunch at the elephant camp, where I was "recognized" because they thought I had been there before. HOW many times does this have to happen to me.... apparently I do NOT have a very unique face.
- Woody. Woody. Yes, that was the name of our thai tour guide for the day. He slapped me in the arm at the end of the day. Clearly he has very legit thai manners.
- Reggae bars; smuggled alcohol to save money
- Mexican dinner. Seriously best meal ever (even though I could barely eat any). The portions were American-sized!
- Unfortunately lost my Blackberry :(
- Without said phone and my new found love for mr. thai fire thrower on Sunday evening, I was no where to be found or reached. Thus... Bridget called the Thai Police to check to see if they knew where I was??? Yeah... I'm sure that doesn't sound supa sketchy at alllll.
- HUGE walking markets where I got lost several times, often making those I was with angry at my "deer in the headlights" looks I gave when I finally wandered back to them explaining how I got stuck in a group listening to a thai band, or tried to buy some shoes without finding my size, or just plain forgot what I was doing.
Fancy Day. A Kindergarten drag queen meets Richard Simmons meets "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" on crack. Pictures can really only describe the trash massacre that hit Supaluck School. Hundreds of kindergarten students, a solid 20+ thai teachers, and one farang (me) all dressed in our finest of hand made garbage outfits. Little girls (and boys) decked out in makeup that would make Dede from the Drew Carey show jealous. Honestly, I felt like a celebrity with about 10-12 video cameras pointed in my direction. Every time I turned there were more people taking pictures of me, as I was the first and only "non-thai" addition to this not-so-fancy day.Balloon Market Day. Not sure the beginnings of this, but I walked out of my afterschool class and saw several students running around the play garden with balloon swords. I followed them until I found a table of about 5 thai teachers pumping away selling their knife like creations for 1 baht. I threw my bag on the ground and put my "i'm the only farang in this damn place so of course I should help" face. Essentially, I ended up with nothing but bloody (not in an english way) hands. I realized I had just spent 1 hour pumping balloons (the little kind clowns make poodles out of) with a mini hand pump. I was basically putting a tiny condom on a magnum plus sized dildo and pumping away like lindsay lohan on meth. Turns out, I'm a fantastic mini balloon pumper - my sheer determination to succeed. I have three band-aids on my hands to prove it and all we made the damn kids were some genitalia looking swords. I couldn't even shampoo my hair (not that I normally do) because the soap burned my cuts. Talk about a class clown.
I finished my first round of after school classes. 7-8 kindergartners every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for about an hour after normal classes end. I got paid... bonus (cha ching). I got my second crew as well... gonna be hell. 12-13 students that enjoy touching each other and rolling around on the dusty floor of the classroom more than anything.
Last but not least, I'd like to embark on my current fashion [dilemma] in Thailand. What some might call odd, I find fitting and nece
ssary to add to my wardrobe. I found a wonderful red shirt at a second hand store that I've worn a few times here. A friend of mine (NOT thai) asked me if I was 'serious' by wearing it one Saturday in Bangkok. Of course I was. That same day, and thai friend of a friend said to me... "your shirt... in Thailand... mother or grandmother wear." Ha. I love the shirt and I don't really care too much what people say, it'll probably be on the cover of Vanity Fair soon. I made a few skirts here as well out of material I bought. One of which I wore to school last week. The thai teachers loved the thai print, but told me that 'usually' that print was worn by grandmothers. How nice of them. They called me ugly when I came to school in flip flops from Old Navy the other day. Called me beautiful when I showed up in an obnoxiously large purple flowing skirt. Without a doubt, I am a fashion leader. Follow me.... unless of course you are looking for compliments.Oh, random side-note. I was just thinking about my LOVE for condiments (and parallel hatred for mayonnaise). My reasoning for such hatred lies within a childhood snack that my mother used to make. Apples+mayonnaise. 2 ingredients. Sick. I can sometimes be found eating up to 4 apples in one day (obsession - maybe found in the next edition of disorders) and now HATE mayonnaise. Khap Khun Kha... mf's
No comments:
Post a Comment