So let me go off a little bit and give a shout out to all you CANADIANS. Yes, I said it. I might sometimes come off as a bit racist to the ginger race, but I do openly enjoy all cultures. Canada, while a serious neighbor to my homestate isn't something I'm familiar with. I just don't know many canadians. Straight up. I've met quite a few here and they are by far some of my favorite people. Aside from the "eh"'s, the "faaack"'s, and their lack of understanding for the Farenheit system, they rock my world. Thanks for opening my oh-so-non-cultured eyes. I've also got to give a similar pound to the brits. You guys talk and talk and talk and I understand everything but the way you organize your sentences makes me crazy. It is just.. bloody brilliant. Having friends from all over the globe is an amazing thing. Last night I made friends with a 22 year old Israeli male traveling through Thailand solo... almost talked him into getting a tattoo, and he was honestly dumbfounded that I had already graduated college and live in Thailand.. as if that is a remarkable feat.. which, yeah, made me feel like a superstar. haha. After high school, in Israel, you have to go to the army (or organization like it.. can't remember) for 3 or 4 years before you can go to a university. I also met a 19 year old british doll of a girl who's father now lives in Pattaya with his new thai wife so they come visit about twice a year. She is in university in England and was asking me about not knowing what she wanted to get her degree/s in. Holy Hell. Story of my life. She looked at me with innocent eyes, "so I'm ok? I'll be fine?" HECK YES YOU WILL SISTER. I mean I was more than lost at that time in my life and I'm ok, right?? haaaaaaaaaaaa The title of this blog is dedicated to a crazy night in Kanchanaburi. It involved a group of travelers form Eastern Europe. One ginger had a Mr. T haircut and ended up COMPLETELY naked in the bar (many pictures were captured including a measurement of his manhood, but I will spare you such a horrifying experience). One guy swapped clothes with me, meaning he strut around the bar in a halter top dress. Most notable was the kurt cobain meets clockwork orange English man. What a nut. I love people. Clearly, I'm drawn to the crazy ones.
The people I meet when I travel are a breed of their own. Of course, for example with my course group of around 30, there are bound to be a few duds and people that I just don't really care for. Generally, one tends to open up much quicker and less painfully than normal. Maybe it is because you have limited time together, to really get to know each other, so you go deep after the name exchange. I really do cherish these moments and the beauty these conversations bring out of people - I sure have learned a lot about myself (first in Spain, now in Thailand). Even if it does boil down to my sheer discontentment for lazy people, and as mentioned earlier, love for the crazies. I think the cool thing about being able to meet and really get to know so many people from around the world, which I'm sure appeals to everyone, is the ability to experience new things vicariously. Not to say you aren't cool/smart/cultured enough, but rather that the things that are not a part of your character and who you are can still be a part of your life. Oh - that guy in the bar just got naked and you know him? Cool. Check that one off the list. You love the way New Zealanders talk but aren't and never will me a Kiwi. Welp, you've got a kiwi friend, so check that off the life list as well.
Aside from these obvious chances to dive into the pool of your thoughts and compare stories and beliefs with others (essentially realizing you aren't, in fact, crazy and you are not alone in such existential and seemingly bizarre thoughts), travels offer the chance to understand and experience other cultures. Living in a new culture is on a whole other magnitude of cool. The way of life in Thailand is like none I have seen before. I'm sure it starts way back when - a life that has evolved over many hundreds of years. It is much simpler than America, and that is part of its beauty. Sans welface, Social Security, day-care centers and old-age homes. For some reason, they just don't really need them. They just need their families (and the monks). Most households have three generations living together. The grandparents help to raise their grandchildren. The adults in the middle put the food on the table. Relationships are a force to be reckoned with here - nothing like America where communicating is both a means to keep in touch and to not keep in touch. With so many mediums such as internet, phone, text, etc., one cannot come up with a good excuse not to keep in touch, but at the same time these are excuses for true "communication" ... It would be absolutely foreign for people in this part of the world to NOT have relationships. It is so easy for us to go days at a time without really talking to anybody. Much of American life is impersonal - Shopping. Driving on the freeways. Watching TV. Sure, the Thai system may not be perfect, but it is stable. Maybe more than we can say for American society at times? I'm loving my chance here to let everything just sink into my bones. From the relationships with thai families to the difficulty and tensions that come with trying to get from point A to point B, everything opens new doors and sometimes shuts others (for the best).
Drumroll. Had the thought today... How the HELL am I going to do this for another 4-5 months? I literally wanted to strangle a kid today because he didn't understand the concept of "Who is SHE?" "SHE is my mother" and so I just did the kid's work for him. Not to mention his name is MJ but looks like a mexican drug smuggler. He's 5 and has a legit stache growing. Breathe, Laura. Do all teachers have days like this? Or is it just the Kindergarten teachers? Or is it because I'm speaking gibberish to them and can't even explain a simple grammar structure such as he vs. she in their native tongue?
I only get upset with the kids when they don't understand because sometimes A) they don't pay attention and are goofing off when I'm trying to teach, B) they just copy off of their friends (damn kids are smart for 5 year olds!) or C) I feel that their level of understanding directly reflects my ability to teach them.
Immediately following this thought I had a conversation with my agency about next semester. Basically negotiating my ability as a teacher and my good relationship with my school and why I should get a hefty raise and a free apartment. Then I remembered why I do love it here, even on the days when I want to rip my own hair out or when I want to yell at the kids for smelling like urine and making fun of them for spitwads or for, a more recent activity, "playing" with themselves. Everyday I get my name chanted by a group of kids when I enter school (teacher larrrrrla). Usually, on good days, the teachers tell me how beautiful I am...not because I am beautiful but because my face is looking particularly white that day or I'm wearing a very colorful outfit. And also because I am beautiful. I come and go as I please, if I need time off, I take it, no questions asked (but, for all I know they are talking mad shit about me behind my back and I'm just not aware of it). Best of all, I have pictures drawn of me daily - some of them I hope are the result of poor art ability, but some are really good - I look like a princess (without legs).
I was recently reminded, while talking with my mother on the phone about being a teacher and if the kids are learning and if I feel bad giving bad grades (to which I responded.. hell, no), my school etiquette circa 1999. I know what kids are going to get good grades on exams and what kids aren't. I know which of the devils is mocking me and those that are actually learning and enjoy english. I know who studies for their 6th grade grammar tests and who doesn't, especially when they laugh and brag to their friends that they got a 44%. Talk about role reversal. Bless her heart, my mother reminded me about my freshman english teacher, Blake Etheridge, who, during a parent/teacher conference, told my parents that "if Laura would just read the book, she would be doing fine.." Hard to remember if I was too cool to indulge myself into Lord of the Flies or The Old Man and the Sea or what i'm sure was the most obvious of excuses I gave my parents for my slacking grades - I didn't have enough time...my life was sports (and experiencing everything every teenager thrown from a Catholic school of 18 classmates to a public school in a small town tries to find time for in his/her new life). Back to the little guys that don't understand he vs. she. They are just children. Although I don't want to admit, I see myself in a lot of these kiddos, especially the rebelious but eager to learn ones. Always testing the limits of my teachers, proving to them that I know more than the other kids without seeming to have to try, and extremely curious about things I was unfamiliar with (for them, being taught by a foreigner... awkward as it is they love to touch me, look at the hair on my arms, and get so close to my face that I think we are swapping spit just to get a good look at my skin).
So what has been happening in my life lately? ** I wrote this a few weeks ago.. so much more has happened, but I'll post that later out of lack of time and motivation, this is thailand baby ** Lots of Bangkok. Went to an ICE Bar in Bangkok a few weekends ago - hello winter. A side bar to an Irish Jameson Bar (how I miss Jameson), this bar actually gave you PARKAS to wear to withstand the negative temps inside. Everything was made of ice, from the bar, to the shot glasses, to the seating. Spent 20 minutes in there, got some good pics and headed out to another club. Farangs everywhere, a pretty normal, but crazy, and energetic party scene in Bangkok. Come here and you can get a taste. Other than that, I've been plugging away at school, a lot of work with the end of the semester right around the corner. Holy crap, can't believe that the time has already come and gone - I have to admit that it really doesn't feel like I've been gone that long. While I do often think about what I'm missing out on, I am quick to remind myself that I'm also gaining so much more by being here and experiencing what my life can offer when I open up to opportunities and situations that expand my horizons, contradict my fear of change, and provide new insights. I don't think I'm ever going to get rid of this passion to travel and lack of desire to "stay put" and commit to just one thing. Maybe a curse of some sort, but I've come to terms with who I am, even if that does mean that I fear being stuck in one place or situation for too long...I need to see the end, in some form or another. My father (such a wise man) has a saying (although NOT at all applied to a situation of this kind) "paranoia will destroy ya". I think I'm paranoid about choosing one path - I want to try them all. We'll see where that takes me, but for now that path is Thailand, and I'm okay with that.
I often hope that this doesn't mean that I am designed to be slightly dissatisfied with everything.. always trying to better my situation. I satisfy one desire and it agitates another. But then again, desire is the fuel of life, right? If we never wanted anything, would we never be unhappy? But then again, not wanting anything is a symptom of depression. Buddhists say rid your self of desires and you will find you already have everything you need. Wanting more than the basic "need to live" needs is kind of invigorating. Hmm.
I watched Groundhog Day the other day and a few points of this movie really struck me as both ironicly hilarious AND food for thought.
"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and everyday was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered?"
"What if there were no tomorrow? That would mean there would be no consequences, no hangovers and we could do whatever we wanted."
Wait, no hangovers? Sign me up!
